You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
