I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
