I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
