Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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