check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
