Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
