Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize