Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
