just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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