If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
