hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i would punch a child for taco bell
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
