I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
