I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
