Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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