I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
