My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
