Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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