please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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