Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
