you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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