If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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