How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
