WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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