I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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