I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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