Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
