Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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