What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
