Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
