Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
