grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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