I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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