considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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