Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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