The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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