he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just forgot I was standing up.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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