He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
