Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
