I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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