She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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