if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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