Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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