Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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