I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
