In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
