did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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