im drinking this country out of the recession.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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