when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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