All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
