Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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