My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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