is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
