rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
