everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
