hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
