This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
