But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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