So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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