You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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