she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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