good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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