Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
