Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
