the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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