is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
