We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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