did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
