Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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